My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
