I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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