about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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