if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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