He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
