I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
