and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
