Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We don't watch enough power rangers
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
