i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
