I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
