My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
