Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
