ya dads aren't the best wingmen
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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