I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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