My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
