She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
