The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
