a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
