does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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