Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
