there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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