Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
