you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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