Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
