yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
