i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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