and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
