I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
