Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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