i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
