I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
