I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize