I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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