he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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