Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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