I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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