Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
