Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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