Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
