I just threw up on my dentist
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
