I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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