tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
