Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
