I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
