You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize