just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
