I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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