Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
