She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
