rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
