The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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