My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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