Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
