Say something about gay babies.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
