good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
