Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
