You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
