Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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