So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
