How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
