You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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