I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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