can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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