If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
